After I got my Ph.D., I started teaching psychology at a small college on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. I liked teaching but was not well suited to long, contentious faculty meetings, inter-departmental politics and gossip that are part of a small campus.  I wanted to do something else. My father, knowing that I was good at one-on-one conversations with most people, urged me to open a private therapy practice.  I resisted his suggestion vigorously.  I had my reasons at the time but looking back, I think I just didn’t want him telling me what I should...

I’ve always been curious about the relationship we have with our pets and the effect they have on us. I saw a bumper sticker once that said, “Lord, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am” and I could easily relate to that sentiment. We live in an extremely judgmental world.  Everyone has an opinion on everything and most people don’t mind sharing theirs as if it were the truth.  We regularly diminish people with withering criticism and put others on a pedestal with fawning praise.  We can live with a partner whom we ostensibly love for years...

The natural tendency of life is to increase and expand. Whatever there is becomes more and more over time.  Everything we observe seems to grow and move in the direction of increase.  That impulse is in us as well.  It is what sparks our desire, what makes us want to express ourselves as fully as we can. As Wallace Wattles, an early writer about the law of attraction, wrote in 1910, “The desire for increase is inherent in all nature; it is the fundamental impulse of the universe. All human activities are based on the desire for increase; people...

In my many conversations with married couples, often, after laying out the issues they are grappling with, one of the partners will turn to me and say “Do you think our marriage can be saved?”  I’ve been tempted at times to give them the odds of things working out based on the hundreds of other couples I’ve coached over 25 years. This would be a huge mistake. The truth is, I couldn’t possibly know the answer to that question.  The only people who can say whether or not their marriage can be saved are the people in the marriage. Podcast: Play...

The other day my wife said, “I notice that you seem to be unusually locked into the TV this evening and you also seem to be avoiding talking to me. What’s going on?”  I thought a minute and realized that I was quite irritated with her.  I told her that I was upset with her because I suspected she was probably going to get all stressed out over our daughter’s impending visit and I would probably have to deal with her reactions for days afterward. My wife listened to this and wasn’t having any of it. She said, “What’s really going on with you?...

Last week I gave you a few tips on how to keep your New Years Resolutions.  The trick is to avoid using willpower to achieve your goals.  Remember, will power creates won’t power. Before you know it your initial enthusiasm to change your ways will be replaced by resistance and a lack of motivation.  How can you bring a new graceful habit into your life and avoid the will power/won’t power struggle?  Here are a few final tips: Podcast: Play in new window | Download 1. Just do it.  If we asked ourselves every morning, Do I really want...