Do Opposites Attract?

We’ve often heard the expression, opposites attract.  There is some truth to it where romantic relationships are concerned.  The people we are physically attracted to are often quite opposite from us on many levels.  In fact, the more opposite they are from us, the stronger the attraction. Of course, we are also attracted to people whose interests and values are similar to our own but it’s usually not physical.  These people become our friends, colleagues and associates.  You’ve probably noticed that we tend not to have sex with our friends.  It’s partly because of our similarities.

When you marry someone who is your extreme opposite, you are probably in for an exciting sex life and a wild ride in terms of compatibility. Here’s where things get interesting.  What often happens is that we are initially attracted to the qualities in the other person that are dissimilar from our own.  If we are shy, we admire their ability to connect easily with others.  If we are flighty, we admire their groundedness.  If we are inept with tools, we will be attracted to their handiness and their ability to fix things. If we’re a good talker, we’ll love that they are a good listener.  You get the idea.

Unfortunately, it seems to be nature’s little joke that when we marry the one to whom we are so physically attracted, the fact that we are opposites in so many other areas of life makes it very hard to live with this person. The very things we thought were wonderful when we first met become the biggest annoyances later.  I remember the talk show host, Phil Donahue, once remarking that he was initially attracted to his wife, Marlo Thomas, because she was so socially conscious and giving of her time and energy to humanity.  It inspired him and turned him on. After they were married, he would complain, “What is this? The woman is never home! She’s always volunteering at some charity function!”

In my case, when we were dating, I loved how organized, centered and down to earth Lauren was.  She was the complete opposite of hyperactive messy me, Mr. ADD and ADHD.  Then, soon after we were married, we drove each other nuts trying to bring these qualities into a living arrangement.  I remember fighting her attempts to organize my life, thinking she was oppressing me with her controlling personality.  What she originally thought were my endearing boyish ways soon become my biggest faults as she found herself cleaning up my messes everywhere unable to get my attention for more than a few seconds before I became distracted by the next thing that came into my head.

So how do we transform our struggles with our opposite mate into something great?  The answer is by changing our perspective.  If we can learn to see them differently, all kinds of possibilities open up to us.  What I used to see as the curse of the controlling wife, I now see as a blessing.  When I stop resisting her attempts to help me clean up and organize my office, I end up happy with the result.  What I perceived as her attempts to dominate me, I now view as evidence of her loving me. When we decide to see things differently, our whole world changes.  It’s one of the coolest thing about being human—we can change our minds.

What has been your experience with opposites attracting?  Are the differences between you balanced out by the similarities of your core values and beliefs? I’d love to hear any comments you might have.

I wrote a song about this a while back that I’d like to share with you. It’s called, Changing My Mind.   Let me know what you think. 

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If you’re interested, you can download more of my songs HERE.

Take care,

-Jim

Hear the song, “Changing My Mind” performed by the author

Click Play button below [5:35]

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