Shall We Dance?
One of the greatest dancers of all time was Fred Astaire, a movie star in many 1930’s and 40’s musicals. He was the master of grace and style. Off camera, Fred Astaire would occasionally do something unexpected on the ballroom floor. After dancing with a professional partner for a few minutes, he would disengage from her and grab the hand of a woman seated in the audience inviting her by his gesture to dance. Within a few seconds she was dancing beautifully with him and their movements almost seemed choreographed. People were immediately suspicious of this new woman, asserting that she was another professional dancer planted there for this stunt. At the break, however, whomever Fred picked would swear that this incident was unrehearsed, that she had no idea she was going to be chosen and that she had no previous dance training. Interestingly, this same woman, when later observed dancing with her husband, was nothing special on the dance floor.
How could this be? Was Astaire making her dance better than she previously knew how? Could he have accomplished this had she flat out refused to respond? While he wasn’t actually causing these improvements, the important thing to note is that once the music starts, they are in a dance together. In the dance, he is smiling, confident, embracing her, leaning into her in a particular way. When two people are dancing, a change in one partner’s steps tends to lead to a corresponding change in the steps of the other. People are capable of changes due to the nature of the dance that they otherwise might never manifest.
In our relationships we are always in a dance with each other. We make a move and the person we are with makes a corresponding move and so on. It happens all the time. We do different dances with different people and usually pick up certain cues as to which steps are appropriate and welcome and which are not. Don’t you have some people in your life with whom you can joke around and others with whom you would never dream of such behavior? It’s not just because of their personality that you relate to them in this way. It’s because of the dance you are in with them.
I always thought my father had a rather gruff personality until I witnessed how he related to his first grandchild. I remember being shocked and gratified to see this warm, playful side of him and my perspective on him changed after that. He has since manifested traits in his dance with me that I previously didn’t think he possessed.
In a committed relationship, you can get into a particular dance where it becomes unlikely that you will ever see the generous, fun-loving or romantic side of your partner. You may conclude that your partner isn’t very giving, isn’t a fun person, or doesn’t care deeply about anything. However, that just may be because of the dance you’ve been in all this time. If you are willing to change the steps in the dance, you may see your partner from an entirely new perspective. They might show you something you never thought they were capable of.
Let me know what kind of dance you are in with the people in your life. I’d love to hear your comments about this or any of my previous blog posts.
Thanks,
-Jim
Click Play button below [3:46]
