The Importance of Human Connection
I’ve often heard it said that we are all connected to each other in ways that we can’t always discern. I remember a lecture by Deepak Chopra where he explained that each of us share the same atoms and molecules with everyone else on the planet. It’s just that having a body with physical senses gives us the impression we are separate from what we see, separate from nature, separate from each other, separate from our true self.
I don’t know if that is true or not and I don’t think I could prove it. However, I have observed that I feel happier, calmer, safer, more loving and more hopeful about life when I experience my connection with others. Conversely, the more separate I feel, the more bleak my perspective becomes, the more fearful my outlook. My thinking takes a more negative turn.
I don’t think I am alone in my response to feeling disconnected. While I have great respect for the value of solitude, there is something about feeling disconnected from others that doesn’t usually lead to a good outcome. Even people who know that they are loved, if not experiencing some connection to their loved ones may doubt that the love is real. When someone doesn’t call us back, declines invitations or doesn’t respond to our attempts to connect, it isn’t long before we begin to wonder, “Are they mad at me?” or “Did I do something wrong?” Logically, there may be no basis for these doubts but psychologically, separation often leads to feelings of guilt.
We humans have a hard time abiding guilty feelings. Before long, we start projecting that guilt away from ourselves and onto others. This is where guilt leads to attack. We attack others (mainly in our thoughts about them) in hopes of alleviating our own guilt about the separation we feel.
Separation leading to guilt leading to attack (and more separation) is a vicious cycle and much more common than people realize. In extreme cases, the pattern plays out violently e.g., Columbine, VA tech, etc. But in everyday life, the attacks are experienced as suspicion, prejudice, gossip, hate and other fear based thoughts and acts all leading us to attack what we feel separate from. Notice how as political parties get farther and farther apart, the rhetoric becomes more vicious, conspiratorial and paranoid? Each attack makes it harder to connect. Not a pretty picture, is it?
What can we do about it? Plenty. It is actually very easy to break this cycle. Just start connecting with people whenever you can. Start with your immediate family. They already know that you love them but if you haven’t said it in a while, they may wonder where they stand with you. Call or write or leave a message on the answering machine of the people you love and let them know you are thinking about them. Smile at your neighbors and say, “Good morning” as your paths cross. Be kind and generous to people in traffic and in your e-mail messages. Watch what happens to your outlook on life when you consciously choose to connect with your fellow human beings. I’m not advocating becoming a Pollyanna or doing anything inappropriate. I’m saying that being proactive about staying connected is the best way I know of feeling safe and centered and aware of your true loving nature and everyone else’s. It certainly can’t hurt.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject.
Thanks.
-Jim
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I had a great aunt who taught me a tremendous amount about how to create your own happiness. She lived what I now realize was a charmed life. Almost everything went her way, and I believe it was because she chose to be happy.
Once I was holding her hand as we were waiting to cross a busy street. She felt me fidgeting and complaining about how many cars there were and that it looked like there would never be a break in the traffic to let us cross the street. She said to me, calmly, “You know, Jimmy, I’ve learned something over the many years I have been crossing streets. No matter how awful the traffic seems, I’ve never waited more than five minutes to cross a street or to wait for a light to change—never.” That comment reflected an aspect of her philosophy that, in reality, things are never as bad as they may seem. That was her experience, too.
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Jim,
This is so timely. Today a tragedy impacted a manufacturing business in St. Louis. Four people were killed and several others wounded. One of our very close friends was caught in the middle of the gunfire seeing coworkers being shot by someone else they considered a friend. Although it had been 9 years since he worked for the company, over time some sort of stress or guilt apparently developed for him to take this kind of action against people he knew and perhaps once liked. I now wonder how perhaps a change in communication with just one person could have impacted the lives of many today. Thanks for the reminder on how important this is and that it shouldn’t be taken for granted. ~ Julie
Thanks for your comment. It makes me think that companies who lay people off need to be more aware of the impact their actions can have psychologically and socially on people as well as the economic consequences. Individually you’ve reminded me to stay in closer contact with my friends who have lost their jobs and I will. Thanks, Julie.
Amen. I always feel more energized, inspired and optimistic when in the company of others and in my supporting of others — this explains that very well. Another great post, Jim!
Thanks, Steve.
This is Day 4 of my solitude experiment. I was researching and came across your article. All of the things you mentioned have been present so far in my experiment. It’s unusual for me, because I am a very social individual, but I have made a vow for 5 days to exempt myself from social acknowledgment. I feel as if I am completely disconnected from the world. The first thing I want to do when I am socially available again is hug someone.
Interesting experiment, Taura. Thanks for sharing your experience.