Why Forgive?

For more years than I am comfortable admitting, I harbored a great deal of resentment toward my parents.  Over time I had built quite an airtight case against them.  I blamed them for being too strict  and for my feeling pressured to live up to their expectations.  I resented my mom for her critical judgments of my girlfriends, my hair length,  my sideburns and for all of her unsolicited comments that I was sure ruined my self-esteem and contributed to my self-consciousness around others.  I resented my father for openly criticizing my diet, my non-traditional spiritual inclinations, my driving, my grades and my career choices.  I also resented him for being such a hard act to follow, career-wise.

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You’ve probably heard resentment defined as a poison pill you take hoping that the other person will die. This is quite true.  I see now that I suffered quite a bit by hanging on to my resentments but at the time, I was so incredibly self-righteous, I didn’t notice.  You see, I knew that I was right.  I had witnesses and evidence to back up my position that I had been raised wrong.  Most of my memories were painful ones of feeling “not good enough,” not free to make my own choices and of being oppressed by their expectations.  When I looked back, I could easily recall angry confrontations between my parents and myself. I couldn’t remember a lot of happy times.  This always surprised my parents since they had no such difficulty.

In the course of growing up (I was a very late bloomer)  and working on myself with the help of some excellent coaches, teachers and therapists, I was able to reinterpret much of my parents’ behavior. Over time, I forgave them and came to view their actions from a more compassionate perspective. Having children of my own helped the process along considerably.

Only after I forgave them did I get an amazing shock.  Huge portions of my memory opened up to me to reveal a surprisingly happy childhood and adolescence.  How could this be? These memories, I now realize, had been blocked or hidden from me while I was holding on to my story about how I had been unfairly treated and pressured to conform.  It was like opening a forgotten box of Kodachromes and discovering pictures of me as a happy child–with these same parents no less!  It was mind blowing.  I had no idea things were so good back then.

Most people will agree that forgiveness is important to a good relationship. They know that forgiveness is healthier than holding on to resentments but they don’t really know how to get there from where they are.

This is probably the most valuable benefit people derive from practicing Powerful Partnerships^tm.—they forgive each other and they forgive themselves. As it turns out, there is a storehouse of love and happiness that opens up to you when resentments are finally forgiven.

I think the old adage is true—it’s never too late to have a happy childhood. Forgiveness is the key to it all.  If you could forgive the past, what do think that might do for you? I hope you’ll treat yourself to a new set of Kodachromes soon.

By the way, if you missed my free teleseminar last week, you can hear the recording by clicking here –> FREE TELESEMINAR (Recorded)

I can show you how to forgive the past in such a way that it doesn’t come back to haunt you, predict your future or deprive you of your own pleasant memories.  It takes a little practice but the payoff is huge.

Thanks,

-Jim

The next Powerful Partnerships^tm 8-Week Teleseminar

Begins on Thursday, October 14, 2010 at 8 PM ET/ 5 PM PT.

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